Why You Can’t Kill Your Ego

When I began my shadow work journey, I thought it was about killing your ego or destroying what destroys you. Mind you, I was in a very destructive season of my life and discovered the term ego death, and I wanted to dive right in. Eventually, I learned you can never kill your ego because it is impossible. What I wanted to kill was the part of me that was notorious for putting me down, hurting me, and keeping me small and isolated, and that was my inner critic.

She can be a bitch sometimes, but in her defense, she's trying to be helpful. In any case, I hated hearing her rebuttal – her snarky remarks about me, and I wanted her dead, which started me on my journey into shadow work. The more knowledge I gained, the more I realized this part of myself wasn't something I could kill off or sever myself from. I had to honor my inner critic as much as I do the other aspects of myself that come easy to love.

Ugh, but loving a bully seemed so hard, and I was resentful.

I couldn't shake the annoyed feeling I would get when a negative thought arose. I felt I had to fight each time in a battle against myself, why that negative opinion was wrong. As I evolved in my healing journey, I became a certified Neurolinguistic Programming Practitioner, where I learned how to reprogram the subconscious mind (the home of my inner critic). I realized that those who struggle with a loud inner critic would be wise to divert this negative voice with a positive one.

Meaning: For every "bad" remark my inner critic said about me, I returned with a "good" one.

Here's an example:

My inner critic loves to put me down because I haven't traveled the world.

The truth behind that comment is comparison. I live in Tulum with many expats who have traveled the world, and my lack of exploration can sometimes make me feel insecure. My clap-back: "I may not have traveled the world as I dream I someday will, but I moved from New York to Mexico, and I am incredibly proud of myself."

Do you see what I did there?

I agreed with this negative comment because the feeling lives within me, but I redirected the conversation to a positive one, leaving my inner critic with nothing to say.

Using this technique has helped me quiet the negative comments I make to myself. I am human, we are human, and it is perfectly normal to struggle with a loud inner critic. And while we cannot ignore, disregard, or kill this part of us, we can learn to work with it.

After all, our inner critic shows us what we'd be wise to work on.

If you'd like to learn more and strengthen your tools, get my 80 Self-Discovery Journal Prompts and my Shadow Workbook. The journal will help you dig deep and come face-to-face with who you are at a soul level, and the workbook will provide you with techniques to identify and integrate your shadow (where your inner critic lives).

What did you think of today's transmission? Was it helpful?