Leaving an Opioid Addict
I left an opioid addict and saved my life.
In October 2020, I ended a year-long relationship with a man I was sure I would marry. I had been single for five years and sober for three. During those early years of recovery, I did all I could to heal wounds potentially blocking me from meeting my forever partner.
We connected on many levels, but I later realized it was mostly trauma bonding. It didn't matter, though, because I fell deeply in love with him. And when it came time to plan our future, he was eager to do so. While preparing to get pregnant, his secrets slowly began to unveil.
Who I thought I knew well became a stranger, but I couldn't leave. I found myself glued to him and our imagined life together. The shock and confusion left me delusional that things could get better. I stayed, hoping my ex's promise of getting clean was true, but it wasn't.
I wholly and utterly lost myself; I was gone.
I cried every day. I cried for him, I cried for me, and I tried to prepare myself for finding him dead.
While this insanity was going on, I'd been studying for my Life Coach certification. I was a Recovery Coach for a few years prior but felt a calling to expand my career. Early October 2020, I finally yanked myself off the floor and left him. But in January, an emotional bomb exploded between us when he reappeared, almost killing me.
I escaped to Tulum later that month to reevaluate my life and recover from all the pain I experienced.
And through this, Cultesh™ was born.
The anguish I felt compelled me to help women in my situation. I was determined. I abandoned myself for a life I envisioned, for a man, another addiction, for something outside of me. I was looking for things I needed to give myself long ago, but I was not innocent here, nor did I blame my ex.
I share this with you because even though my life was kept neat on social media, I was close to dying behind the scenes. I refuse to let you feel alone. I refuse to let you think you don't deserve better. Here is your lifeline, and I want you to know I love you.
If you are struggling, please contact me or share this post if you know someone who is.
