Culteshâ„¢ by Christina Zayas

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My Miscarriage Story

For Sophia.

Eleven years ago, I had a miscarriage. I was eight weeks pregnant and felt when she left my body. I was at a block party with my then-boyfriend and remembered feeling weird that evening, hyper-focusing on any unusual sensations. From the moment I learned I was expecting, I would talk to the life growing in my womb. And even though I wasn't very far along, I could sense new energy within me. Then one day, while I was singing to my belly, Spirit told me her name was Sophia.

Since I was 25, I kept a list of baby names, but Sophia was never one. I went with it, trusting my Guides connected me with a beautiful soul who would be my daughter. But the day I miscarried, I felt the cruel parting like a swift snatch. After the block party, I realized I was spotting and knew I was no longer pregnant. The hope I had of being a mom was gone.

What followed was confirmation from doctors that I lost the baby, then the birth. I chose to allow the pregnancy tissue to pass naturally, which resulted in enduring labor-level contractions and the release of the sac. I sat screaming and crying in my bathtub as my body let her go.

It was primal and terrifying.

I admit I haven't done much healing work around my miscarriage, but I hope sharing my story with you will help in some way. I know I am not alone, and neither are you. We are in this together.