In the stillness, I found myself. I came home to myself and met a profound level of knowledge obtained through my rebirth–a deep dive within my subconscious into the darkness. My dharma is to dance with the dark–surrender to the pain and let it take me. I could hear Spirit ask me, "How free do you want to be?" I desired freedom from the prison of my emotional bondage. I did it.

It was me that hurt me; it was me that abandoned me.

I left myself for men, for alcohol, for material possessions. I continuously lived in fear–fear of not being enough, of not having enough. I managed to escape the responsibility of loving myself, forever placing that duty on my partners and friends. Who was I, and how dare I disseminate love without first giving it to myself?

It took the total annihilation of all that I believed for myself to face the truths I buried. I thought self-love was something acquired through new clothes and spa visits. Was this not the way; did I not love myself? I bought my love for years, convinced this was honoring myself.

Desperate to connect with my higher self and tap into a deeper knowing of what real self-love meant, I ended my twenty-year relationship with alcohol. It was through lifting the veil that I understood Christina. I got to know myself, what I liked, what I disliked, and what I did because I was drunk.

Whenever I was unsettled, instead of shaming myself for feeling, I poured love into the broken parts of me and became curious. After four years free from alcohol, practicing unapologetic self-love, and being gentle to little Christina when she was sad, I revealed a new self.

I developed Cultesh—a program of self-worship through shadow work, and it has saved my life. I stand before you, raw. I stand before you, revealing the truths I buried. I did not love myself, but I learned how.

I taught myself that I deserve devotion.

It is my innate responsibility, as it is yours, to love and honor yourself through self-worship. With this knowledge, this medicine, I intend to heal those willing to walk through the shadows.

You are not here by accident. You are ready.

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